596 Masada

First  viewed : 15  February  1983

The  critics  weren't  very  kind  to  this  either  but  in  this  case  I  think  they  got  it  wrong.

Masada  was  made  in  1981, a  four  part  US  mini-series  based  on  Josephus'  ( now  seriously  questioned ) account  of  the  tragic  last  act  of  the  First  Jewish-Roman  War.  It  was  shown  over  a  fortnight  in  February 1983. I  only  saw  one  episode  first  time  round  but  watched  most  of  it  with  my  mum  when  repeated  in  an  earlier  evening  slot  in  the  summer  of  1986.

 It  was  a  good  story, well-paced  with  high  production  values. One  thing  that  might  have  got  up  British  critic's  noses  was  the  clear  segregation  of  the  cast  with  the  heroic  Jewish  resisters  played  by  Americans  and  the  brutal, bullying  Romans  played  by  trusty  Brits. If  you  could  forgive  that  though,  the  cast  was  outstanding. The  producers  scored  a  major  coup  in  securing  the  services  of  Peter  O  Toole  as  the  high-minded  but  ruthless  general  Silva  while  his   main  adversary  Eleazar  was  played  by  Peter  Strauss. You  also  had  Timothy  West  as  the  Emperor  Vespasian, Anthony  Quayle  as  the  veteran  siege  engineer  and  the  architect  of  the  Jews'  downfall, David  Warner  as  a  ruthless  Roman  politician  ( with  Christopher  Biggins  as  his  sidekick )  and  the  gorgeous  Barbara  Carrera ( in  some  pretty  skimpy  costumes )  as  Silva's  Jewish  mistress  ( a  completely  fictional  character  but  hey, no  complaints  from  me  ! ).

595 Minipops

First  visited :  February  1983

Channel  Four's  first  attempt  at  kids  TV  could  hardly  have  proven  more  controversial with  the  programme, all  6  episodes  of  it, sill  cropping  up  on  all  those  Bad  TV  compilation  shows.

Minipops  was  originally  a  kids  troupe  put  together  by  Martin  Wyatt  as  a  showcase  for  his  little  daughter  Jo. When  their  version  of  the  old  Connie Francis  number  Stupid  Cupid  was  a  big  hit  in  France  in  1982 ,  Channel  4  commissioned  Supersonic's  Mike  Mansfield  to  build  a  TV  show  around   the  group  and  held  auditions  to  expand  the  cast..

I  only  tuned  in  very  briefly. I  couldn't  bear  the  butchery  of  the  songs  or  Mansfield's  painfully  garish  sets ; the  deeper  controversy  passed  me  by  entirely.  It  just  didn't  seem  to  have  occurred  to  anyone  that  sex  is  a  pretty  large  ingredient  in  pop  and  if  you're  going  to  have  primary  school  tots  performing  contemporary  material  you've   got  to  sift  it  pretty  carefully. Video  Killed  The  Radio  Star  was  fine  ( though  musically  an  abomination )  but  Sheena  Easton's   9  to  5  was  always   going  to  be  dodgy  with  that  "Night  time  is  the  right  time, we  make  love" line. When  it  was  performed  by  five  year  old  Joanna  Fisher  in  a  white  bath gown  with  groping  gestures  to  emphasise  that  line, it  wasn't  surprising  that  critics  started  suggesting  that  Channel  Four  was  taking  its  brief  to  cater  for  minorities  a  little  too  far. The  bosses  took  fright  and  cancelled  the  series  after  one  season.

It  was  a  trifle  harsh  on  the  guys  behind  the show, none  of  whom  have  been  accused  of  any  actual  crime  then  or  now  and   nobody  protests  about  the  screening  of  films  like  Taxi  Driver  or  Bugsy  Malone  with  Jodie  Foster  in  jailbait  roles.

The group  itself  survived  the  show's  cancellation, toured  Canada  and  released  six  albums  before  disbanding  in  the  mid-eighties. Jo  Wyatt  is  a  successful  voice  actress  while  Joanna  Fisher  has  made  her  mark  in  showjumping

594 The Cleopatras

First  viewed :  February  1983

This  one  isn't  quite  as  notorious  as  The  Borgias  but  it  was  the  final  nail  in  the  coffin  as  far  as  attempts  to  replicate  the  success  of  I  Claudius   went.

The  Cleopatras  followed  the  fortunes  of  the  successive  queens  of  that  name  in  the  Ptolemaic   dynasty  from  145  BC  until   the  last  and  most  famous  bearer  of  that   name  had  her  fatal  encounter  with  a  snake  in  36 BC. However , any  thoughts  that  this  might  make  for  great  feminist  viewing  were  quickly  dispelled  by  the  sheer  number  of  bare  breasts  ( mainly  those  of  dancers  or  uncredited  extras )  on  display. If  the  script  was  to  be  believed , most  of  the  men  in  ancient  Egypt  were  actually  tits  too  so  you  had  an  orgy  of  nipples  to  look  at  until  the  Romans  arrived  and  took  over.

The  sets  looked  like  left  overs  from  a  Dr Who  story  and  writer  Philip  Mackie  decided  to  couch  the dialogue  in  everyday  language  which  ( along  with  not casting  any  venerable  Egyptian  actors  who  couldn't  speak  English  intelligibly )  at  least  allowed  you  to  follow  the plot  although  it  did  give  rise  to  some  bathetic  moments. It's  hard  to  think  Julius  Caesar  ever  said  anything  that  translated  as  "Oh  these  Egyptians  are  getting  me  down".

Robert  Hardy  actually  played  Caesar  very  well, capturing  the  monstrous  ego  of  the  man   perfectly  and  Richard  Griffiths  added  to  his  growing  reputation  as  the  grotesque  Pot  Belly  in  the  early  episodes. Michelle  Newell  played  both  the  most  famous  Cleopatra  and  the  third  and  was  OK  although  not  really  beautiful  enough  to  account for  her  illustrious  conquests, especially  when  surrounded  by  such  an  abundance of  alternative  crumpet.

The  critics  were  pretty  unkind  to  it ,  disliking  the  campy  approach  to  history,  and  the  Beeb  have  chosen  to  bury  it   although  someone  has  generously  uploaded  the  entire  series  from  their  VCR  tapes  to  YouTube.  

593 The Other Side of the Tracks

First  viewed : 22  January  1983

This  was  a  decent  little  programme  from  Channel  4  on  a  Saturday  evening , looking  at  the  workings  of  the  music  business  by  concentrating  on  a  couple  of  artists  each  show. Because  it  was  an  hour  long  show  on  a  commercial channel, the  placing  of  the  ad  breaks  meant  that  one  artist  got  two  thirds  of  the  episode  and  the  other  just  one.

The  programme  was  devised  and  presented  by  one  of  Radio  One's  more  cerebral  DJs , the  American  ex-pat  Paul  Gambaccini  and  reflected  his  interests  in  more  ways  than  one. Most,  though  not  all,  of  the  artists  featured  were  at  least  of  some  interest  to  America  and  at  least  some  of  the  episodes  were  broadcast  there  as  well. Most  of  the  artists  were  also  reasonably  well  established - with  one  glaring  exception.  The  first  programme  ( which  I  didn't  catch )  featured   Phil  Collins  - and  Kajagoogoo.

Who ? Kajagoogoo  were  EMI's  new  signings  and  had  only  just  released  their  first  single. Were  EMI  sponsoring  the  show  or  something ?  In  promoting  the  programme,  Gambaccini , a  classic  rock  and  soul  fan,  was  gushing  over  this  plastic  haircut  band*  comparing  them  to  the  Beatles  and  other  greats. What  was  going  on ? When  the  band's  single  reached  number  one, the  tabloids  soon  winkled  out  the  truth. Gambaccini  and  the  band's  singer  Chris  Hammill  ( "Limahl ") were  living  together. Both  men  were  in  the  closet  at  the  time  and  insisted  it  was  a  platonic  arrangement  but  no  one  was  fooled.  The actual  episode  justified  itself  by  interviewing  EMI  hacks  about  the  mechanism  of  launching  a  new  band  on  the  market.

Nepotism  aside, it  was  a  well  put  together  programme which  was  engaging  even  when  you  didn't  have  much  interest  in  the  artists  involved. I'd  never  buy  a  Lionel  Ritchie  record  but  he  was  so  articulate  and  engaging  in  discussing  his  music  that  he  held  my  attention. On  the  other  hand,  Mark  "I'm  so  laid  back  I'm  not  going  to  say  anything coherent"  Knopfler   drove  me  up  the  wall.

The  programme  was  fortnightly  and  alternated  with  Gastank  , a  televised  jamming  session  memorably  described  by  Mickie  Most  as  "a  bunch  of  old  has-beens  getting  together  for  a  singsong". I  never  bothered  tuning  in  for  that.

The  show  ran  for  two  series  in  1983  and 1984.

* Kajagoogoo  actually  made  one  or  two  decent  records  after  bumping  Hammill  in  the  wake of  his  outing  but  it  was  too  late  for  them  to  be  taken  seriously.

  

592 Dombey and Son

First  viewed : 15  January  1983

I  normally  stuck  with  the  charts  on  Radio  One  rather  than  the  Sunday  tea  time  classic  serial  on  BBC  One  but I  made  an  exception  for  this  10  part  adaptation  of  the  Dickens  novel.

The   reason  was  that  six  months  earlier, during  the  school  holidays, I  had  borrowed  the  book  from  Littleborough  Library  for  a  summer  read, probably  because   I  was  conscious  that  my  sister  was  becoming  somewhat  better  read  than  me. I  suspect  I  picked  it  for  its  relative  obscurity , having  no  outstanding  character   like  Uriah  Heep  or Mr  Bumble  to  guarantee  its  immortality. As  I  was  often  wont  to  do  at  this  time, I  made  a  note of  who  I'd  like  to  cast  in  each  part  in  an  adaptation..

I  was  pretty  surprised  when  I  realised  that  the  BBC  were  broadcasting  an  adaptation  so  soon  afterwards  and  gobsmacked  when  I  saw  that  I'd  called  a  major  casting  decision  exactly  right. I  thought  the part  of  Mr Carker, Dombey's  right  hand  man  who  is  slyly  embezzling  the  company's  funds  while  stroking  his  chief's  considerable  ego,  would  be  perfect  for  Blake's  Seven's  Paul  Darrow  and  someone  obviously  agreed  with  me.

In  the  other  main  parts , the  dour.   awesomely  self-satisfied  Dombey  was  placed  in  the  capable  hands  of  Julian  Glover  while  his  cruelly  neglected  daughter  Florence  was  played  by  future  sexpot  ( but  very  demure here )  Lysette  Anthony. I  can't  remember  who  I'd  earmarked  in  either case.

The  adaptation  was  OK, perhaps  a  little  stiff,  and,  as  always  with  Dickens, somewhat  hollowed  out  with  colourful  but  inessential  characters  excised  altogether.  I  remember  my  sister  being  quite  affected  by  the  final   reconciliation  scene  between  Florence  and  her  father  which  rather  surprised  me.

591 Breakfast Time

First   viewed  :  17  January  1983

Hot  on  the  heels  of  Channel  Four, another  part  of  the  modern  TV  landscape  fell  into  place   in  the  middle  of  January  1983  when  BBC  One  launched  Breakfast  Time  a  couple  of   weeks  ahead  of  ITV  who  weren't   quite  ready  to  go  with  their  alternative. There  were  a  number  of  naysayers  around,  including  my  mother , who  said  people  would  never  have  the  time  in  a  morning  to  switch  the TV  on. Mum  stuck  faithfully  to  her  beloved  Radio  Four  and  never  watched  anything  before  6pm  on  a  weekday.

Curiosity  compelled  me  to  get  up  early  and  watch  a  bit  of  it. The  main  host  was  Nationwide  anchorman  Frank  Bough  in  his  comfy jumper, aided  by  glamorous  newsreader  Selina  Scott  poached  from  ITV  and  earnest  law  reporter  Nick  Ross, also  casually  attired. Perhaps  having  some  inkling  of  its  rival's  business  plan, the  programme  emphasised  its  cosiness  and  informality  with  all  its  guests  interviewed on  copious  sofas. Though  it  didn't  shy  away  from  covering  serious  news, memorably  filming  the  extraction  of  Norman  Tebbitt  from  the  rubble  of  the  bombed  hotel  in  Brighton, 1984, the  show  was  on  the  whole  pretty  anodyne.

The  initial  carrot  for  me  was  the  promise  of  a  chart  rundown  on  a  Wednesday  morning  but  when  I  realised  this  would  only  feature  one  song,  I  soon  gave  up  on  it  and  chose  to  stay  in  bed  a  bit  longer.

Nevertheless  Breakfast  Time  was  a  success. The  travails  of  TV-am  on  the  other  channel have  been  well-documented  with  the  head  start  enjoyed  by  BBC  turning  out  to  be  the  least  of  their  worries. There  are  few  better  examples  of  disconnect  between  the  political  establishment  and  the  ordinary  population  than  the  catastrophic  failure  of  Peter  Jay's  "mission  to  explain".
Jim  Callaghan's  son-in-law  put  together  his  "famous  five" - Parkinson, David  Frost, Angela  Rippon, Anna  Ford  and  the  less  stellar  Robert  Kee  , a  dry  old  stick  from  Panorama ,  to  helm  a  show pitched  at   Guardian  readers. The  viewing  figures  were  dismal  and  Jay  was  unceremoniously  dumped  by  investors  led  by  Tory  crook   Jonathan  Aitken. Ford  and  Rippon  were  sacked  for  publicly  siding  with  Jay  and  replaced  by  Roland  Rat. Newsnight  took  pity  on  Jay  and  found  him  a  spot  as  their  economics  reporter.

Ironically,  after  the  new  downmarket  version  of  TV-am  had  caught  up  with  them  in  the  ratings,  the  Beeb  ditched  the  sofas  and  woolly  jumpers   in  1986  and  went  for  a  harder  news  approach  with  desks  and  presenters  in  suits. Ross  already  had  a  good  life  raft  in  Crimewatch. Scott  survived  making  a  terrible  self-indulgent  documentary  about  herself  to  carve  out  a  career  in  the  US.

Bough  initially  was  switched  to  Holiday  as  a  replacement  for  veteran  Cliff  Michelmore  but  in  1988  a  tabloid  scandal  arose  when  he  was  alleged  to  be  using  prostitutes  and  taking  cocaine. Frank's  ill-advised  mea  culpa  turned  it  into  a  sensation  and  even  though  he'd  left  Breakfast  Time  a  year  earlier  it  was  surely  no  coincidence  that  the  Beeb  decided  on  a  re-brand  as  Breakfast  News  the  following  year.

590 Philip Jap

First  viewed  : 4  January  1983

Here's  the  little  epilogue  to  The  David  Essex  Showcase.

To  recap  from  the  earlier  post, the  overall  winner  of  the  talent  show  was  Bowie-fixated  singer  Philip  Jap  and  the  prize  was  his  own  TV  show.  I  bet  they  didn't  tell  him  his  35  minute  showcase  would  be  stuck  in  a  graveyard  slot  - 22.45pm  on  a  Tuesday  evening  just  after  Christmas.

Philip  got  to  perform  his  two  minor  hits of  1982 , Save  Us  and  Total  Erasure   plus  tracks  from  his  forthcoming  album. Peter  Powell  who'd  championed  him  on  Radio  One  ( almost  invariably  the  kiss  of  death  for  any  aspiring  artist ) acted  as  his  MC  on  the  show. Kenny  Lynch, Simon  Ward  and  Fiona  Richmond  - an  eclectic  bunch  to  be  sure- were  the  other  guest  stars  playing  parts  in  his  pseudo-videos. I  only  watched  a  few  minutes  of  it, Jap's  music  being  resoundingly  derivative  and  mediocre  however  much  gusto  he  put  into  its  physical  performance.

The   never-repeated  ( there's  a  surprise ! ) show  had  zero  impact  on  Jap's  commercial  fortunes. His  next  single  and  the  album  that  followed  bombed  completely. To  his  credit  Jap  accepted the  verdict, gave  up  on  being  a  singer   and  went  behind  the  scenes  as  a  composer  and  arranger  with  his  own  production  company,  Audiofield.. He  wrote  the  music  for  a  series  called  The  Glory  Boys  in  1984 and  many  commercials. He  also  wrote  for  briefly  successful  singer Leilani  in  the  late  nineties.