451 The Martian Chronicles

First  viewed  :  9  August  1980

This  is  the  first  ( largely  ) American  mini-series  to  feature  here.

The  Martian  Chronicles   was  an  adaptation  of  the  sprawling  Ray  Bradbury  collection  of loosely-linked  short  stories  about  the  colonisation  of  Mars, originally  published  in  1950. It  was broadcast  as  three  97  minute  episodes   on  a  Saturday  evening  filling  the  gap  between  the   end  of  Knots  Landing  and  the  return  of  Dallas.

The  action  starts  in  1999. With  nuclear  war  threatening  to  destroy  humanity, NASA  turns  to  Mars  as  a  way  to  escape  the  carnage. As  the  first  mission  approaches  the  planet  we  meet  our  first  Martians , telepathic  humanoids  in  skimpy  clothes  who  speak  perfect  English  in  a  monotone. The  first  astronauts  are  killed  by  a  jealous  Martian  husband  almost  before  they've  got  out  of  the  the  spacecraft. The  second  expedition  is  eliminated  more  elaborately  in  a  telepathic  hoax  where  the  astronauts  believe  they're  meeting  lost  loved  ones  in  their  home  town. Before  their  deaths  however  one  leaves  a  parting  gift  of  chicken  pox  which  nearly  wipes  out  the  Martian  population   so  the  third  expedition  led  by  idealistic  Colonel  Wilder  ( Rock  Hudson )  finds  merely   a  deserted  civilisation. This  turns  the  head  of  Major  Spender  ( Bernie  Casey ) who  declares  himself  "the  last  Martian"  and  starts  shooting  the  rest  of  the  crew  before  Wilder  gets  him.

That  was  the  first  and  probably  best  episode . The  second  focuses  on  the  early  settlers  and  the  inevitable  disappointment  with  their  new  home. Each  have  some  contact  with  the  remaining   few  Martians. One  is  trapped  by  his  own  telepathy  into  manifesting  according  to  the  humans'  desire  so  he  appears  as  a  dead  son  to  a  mourning  couple  and  then  Jesus  Christ  himself  to  a  priest . Sam  Parkhill  ( Darren  McGavin )  the  only  other  survivor  from  Wilder's  expedition  ends  up  with  a  land  grant  from  the  Martian  survivors  after  a  desert  chase.

In  the  third  episode  the  nuclear  war  has  happened  so  the  Martian  colony  is  pretty  much  all  that's  left  of  humanity. Wilder  mooches  around  the  survivors  looking  glum  and  philosophising  before  deciding  to  make  the  best  of  things.

The  screenplay  was  necessarily  a  condensed  version  of  Bradbury's  opus  and  he  didn't  like  it   describing  it  as  "just  boring ".  Some  of  it  was -  the  storyline  about  Hathaway  ( Barry  Morse )  creating  an  android  version  of  his  family  wasn't  very  interesting  and  seemed  disconnected  from  the  rest  of  the  narrative   - but  on  the  whole  it  was  a  worthy  attempt  at  bringing  a  difficult  book  to  the  screen.      

It's  been  repeated  twice , as  a  late  Saturday  night  item  on  BBC One  in  March  1983  and  then  an  early  evening  feature  on  BBC  Two  in  1984.

450 Looking Good Feeling Fit

First  viewed  : August  1980

For  the  first  two  of  its  four  seasons  this  was  a  summer  replacement  for  Tomorrow's  World  and  so  watched  for  much  the  same  reason i.e  it  directly  preceded  Top  of  the  Pops. It  was  presented  by  Richard  Stilgoe  , musical  wit  for  Nationwide  and  That's  Life,  though  he  presented  this  in  straight  fashion  alongside  Gillian  Reynolds  ( better  known  as  a  critic  for  the  Daily  Telegraph )  and  a  doctor  named  Mike  Smith.

The  programme  was  an  early  attempt  to  latch  on  to  the  burgeoning  interest  in  personal  health  maintenance. The  first  season  of  four  programmes covered  broad  topics  such  as  diet, stress  relief  and  the  beauty  industry  and  talked  to  ordinary  people  and  expert  practitioners. It  was  fairly  humdrum  stuff  and  with  Stilgoe  on  board  it  was  sometimes  difficult  to  tell  when  Nationwide  had  finished  and  this  begun.

From  the  second  season  onwards  there  was  much  more  of  an  emphasis  on  celebrity  guests  such  as  Roger  Daltrey, Felicity  Kendall ,  Jimmy  Savile  ( ahem )  and  in  the  first  episode  of  season  two  Kate  Bush .  n  a  pre-recorded  item  Stilgoe  went  down  to  Pineapple  Studios  to  film   her  rehearsing  an  energetic  dance  routine  for  the  video  to  Sat  In  Your  Lap.  Kate  then  gave  Stilgoe  an  interview  in  situ  in  which  she,  possibly  unintentionally ,  undermined  all  the  rationale  for  featuring  her  on  the  programme.

RS : You  do  not  have  pimples, spots  and  all  the  things  that  the  rest  of  us  get  if  we  stay  up  if  we  stay  out  late  all  night. How  do  you  manage  that ?

KB: Well  I  do . I  do  get  pimples  and  things   but  luckily  I've  found  some  creams  and  things  that  are  incredibly  good  for  my  skin  and  I  use  them  morning  and  night  and  seem  to  be  OK. But  I  do  get  spots,  everyone  gets  spots.

RS : You  obviously  enjoy  yourself  and  you're  obviously very  happy . Do  you  think  that  is  why  you're  a  healthy  person ?

KB : I  don't  think  I'm  a  healthy  person. You  see  I  dance  because  I  want  to  dance  not  cause  I  want  to  keep  fit  and  it's  just  a  sort  of  side  thing  that  I  happen  to  keep  fit  at  the  same  time.

Whether  she  meant  to  or  not  she  conveyed   the  impression  that  Stilgoe  had  just  gone  along  to  gawp  at  her  and  tried  to  find  a  justification  for  it  afterwards.

Alas  the  programme  was  never  so  interesting  again. For  the  fourth  and  final  season  only  Smith  survived  as  Sarah  Kennedy  and   Christopher  Lillicrap   took  over  presenting  duties. The  last  episode  was  broadcast  on  5  July  1983.  

449 The Six Wives of Henry VIII

First  viewed :  August  1980

This  was  a  BBC2  repeat, a  decade  on,  of  one  of  the  BBC  drama  department's  greatest  triumphs,  a  six  part  account  of  the  fortunes  of  the  six  women  unfortunate  enough  to  marry  the  murderous  despot. The  series  had  gone  all  over  the  world  and  won  numerous  awards. In  1972  it  was  made  into  a  Hollywood  film  which  kept  Keith  Michell  as  Henry  but  re-cast  all  the  wives. What  was  most  remarkable  was  that  it  was  comprised  of  six  separate  plays, each  one  with  a  different  author. While  it  helped  that  the  cast  stayed  the  same, it's  still  a  bit  surprising  that  it  hung  together  so  well.

The  timing  was  a  bit  curious. The  series  had  already  been  repeated  twice  in  1971  and  1972 but  hadn't  been  seen  since  so  why  now ?  Could  it  have  been  related  to  Michell's  unlikely appearance, earlier  in  the  year, in  the  UK  singles  chart  as  the  performer  of  Captain  Beaky ,  a single  released  to  promote  an  illustrated  children's  book   but  given  airplay  by  Noel  Edmunds on  his  wilfully  perverse  Sunday  morning  show ? The  single  made  number  5  and  Beaky  and   his  arch-foe  Hissing  Sid  the  snake  were  all  the  rage  in the  early  months  of  1980  until  a certain  fictional  oil  executive  copped  some  lead . Did  some  BBC2  executive  catch  a  glimpse of  Keith  mugging away  on  Top  of  the  Pops   and  think  "oh  yes,  I  know  what  we  could  use to  fill  out  the  holiday  schedule" ?

I  only  dipped  into  this  perhaps  because  having  studied  the  Tudors  at  both  primary  and  secondary  school, the  content  was  over-familiar.  I  do  recall  the  last  episode  dealing  with  Catherine  Parr  both  for  her  obvious  horror  that  the  bloated  semi-invalid  king  was  still  going  to  want  his  oats  with  her  and  the  often  neglected  truth  that  Henry  , for  all  his  ravages  , still  thought  of  himself  as  a  Catholic  and  was  under  the  influence  of  the   Catholic  Bishop  Gardiner, presented  here  as  a  villain, in  the  last  months  of  his  reign.

448 The 1980 Summer Olympics

First  viewed : July  1980

I  must  confess   that  by  the  time  these  Olympics  came  round  the  hype  around  the   Coe-Ovett  rivalry  had  had  its  effect  on  me  and  I  was  interested  enough  to  actually  tune  in  and  watch athletics  with  some  engagement. I  didn't  like  Sebastian  Coe  who  came  across  as  a  self-satisfied  prig  but  there  was  something  about  Steve  Ovett's  bony  face  and  that  silly  finger  gesture  at  the  end  of   a  race  that  made  me  favour  the  former.

These  Games  held  in  Moscow,  were  dogged  by  political  controversy  with  many  nations  choosing  to  boycott  them  over  the  Soviet  invasion  of  Afghanistan  in  1979,  most  notably  Jimmy  Carter's  U.S.A. The  absence  of  the  Americans  in  particular  threw  a  question  mark  over  the   authenticity  of  many  of  the  medals  gained.

In  the  event  it  was  honours  even  between  the  two  Brits. Ovett  first  beat  Coe  in  his  less  favoured  800  metres  and  boldly  stated  he  would  not  only  win  the  1500  metres  but  shave  four  seconds  off  the  world  record. Thus  set  up  for  a  fall, Ovett  came  third  as  Coe  won  the  race. A  third  Brit  made  the  800  metres  final , a  guy  with  a  moustache  called  David  Warren  who  confidently  proclaimed  that  he  would  win  the  bronze. He  came  last.

Much  more  likable  than  either  of  them  was  the  Scottish  sprinter  Allan  Wells  who  won  gold  in  the  100  metres  final  by  a  micrometre. His  right  to  gold  was  more  questioned  than  the  others'  but  hey  you've  got  to  be  in  it  to  win  it  as  they  say. That  race  has  become  notable  as  the  last  100  metres  final  to  even  feature  a  white  runner  let  alone  a  winner.

The  other  main  memory  I  have  of  the  Games   is  the  transformation  in  Romania's  Nadia  Comaneci  from the  half-starved  waif  at  14  in  1976  to  18-year  old  sexpot. She  now  had  boobs  and  towered   over  her  fellow  competitors. Inevitably  the  change  in  her  physical  shape  had  its  effect  on  her  performances. She  successfully  defended  two  ( although  one  was  shared  with  Russia's  Nelly  Kim )   of  her  three  titles  but  was  felt  to  have  been  the  beneficiary  of  over-generous  marking.

Nadia  was  the  subject  of  many  lurid  rumours  linking  her  to  Nicu  Ceaucescu, the  playboy  son  of  the  Communist  dictator  who  was  said  to  have  raped  her  and  beaten  her  up  on  numerous  occasions. In  fact  they  scarcely  knew  each  other  and  apart  from  a  drinking  problem  that  eventually  killed  him  Nicu  was  actually  a  fairly  decent  guy  in  the  circumstances. She  defected  to  the  USA  just  before  the  Romanian  revolution  , married  a  former  US  gymnast  and  became  a  naturalised  American  in  2001.      

447 Sounding Brass

First  viewed  : July  1980

It's  sad  to  recount  that  this  one's  slipped  into  obscurity  as  I  thought  it  was  great. I  had  to  pop  down  to  my  gran's  to  watch  it  as  my  mum  and  sister  wanted  to  continue  with  The  Big  Time  on  BBC 1.

Written  by  Don  Shaw   whose  past  credits  included  Survivors  and  Danger -UXB , Sounding Brass  was  concerned  with  the  fortunes  of   the  fictional  Ettaswell  Brass  Band  and  their pigheaded  autocratic  leader   H G  Beswick  , a  part  Brian  Glover  was  born  to  play. H  G  is  a butcher  by  trade  but  the  band  is  his  whole  raison d'etre   and  he  can  never  understand  why   other  members  let  life  get  in  the  way.

They  were  all  well  cast  too. Stephen  Hancock, in  his  first  role  since  Ernie  Bishop's  dramatic  demise  on  Coronation  Street  played  Leonard  Dukes. Standing  out  as  the  band's  middle  class  member,  Dukes  is  a   music  master . He's  probably  more  qualified  to  lead  the  band  and  H.G,  knows  it. Dukes  doesn't  want  to  supplant  H.G.  but  will  stand   his  ground  and  there's  frequent  tension  between  the  two. In  one  episode  Dukes  is  tapped  by  a  rival  firm  and  the  E.B.B. have  to  purchase  an  expensive  cornet  to  persuade  him  to  stay

You  also  had  Ray  Mort  as  Gerry,  the  faithful  lieutenant  and  only  other  commitee  member ,  who's  had  to  become  expert  at  smoothing  the  feathers  H.G.  ruffles, grouchy  Teddy  Turner  the  tuba  player  who's  getting  past  it  - "It's  me  lips,  H.G. ! " - and  Philip  Jackson  ( who  was  also  in  Brassed  Off  many  years  later  ) as  dour  Wilf  who's  got  a  chip  the  size  of a  house  brick on  his  shoulder.

There  was  one  episode  where  H.G.  gets  ousted  but  they  eventually  realise  they  need  someone  with  his  level  of  commitment.

The   episode   I  remember  best  is  the  last  one  , "H.G  and  the  Exploding  Orange"   which  was  clearly  influenced  by  the  success  of  the  Brighouse  and  Rastrick  Brass  Band.  Much  to  H.G.'s  displeasure,  young  Tim  the  drummer,   played  by  future  Blue  Peter  presenter  Mark  Curry,  starts  moonlighting  with  a  rock  group . H.G.'s  anger  is  mollified  when  the group's  manager  Spencer  le  Fevre  ( Gregory  Floy ) evinces  an  interest  in  recording  the  band  as  well. His  introduction  starts  with  the  classic  exchange  :

Spencer  : Do  people  still  dig  brass  bands ?
Wilf : No  they  dig  gardens  !

Eventually  it's  only  H.G. , whose  ego  Spencer  has  successfully  massaged , that  can't  see  they're being  ripped  off  but , as  usual,  Gerry  saves  the  day  and  things  get  back  to  normal.

Unfortunately  that  was  the  last  we  saw  of  them  after  just  6  episodes. It  didn't  make  Brian Glover  the  big  TV  star  he'd  hoped  though  he  was  hardly  out  of  work  as  one  of  our  best character  actors  until  his  untimely  death  in  1997. I  think  it  was  just  a  case  of  bad  luck,  The Big  Time   proving  too  big  a  draw  to  allow  this  to  gather  the  audience  it  deserved.

446 The Innes Book of Records

First  viewed  :  30  June  1980

This  is  an  odd  one  , a  programme  I  didn't  really  like  but  which  provided  a  couple  of  moments  that  have  stayed  with  me  over  the  years.

Ex-Bonzo  Dog  Doo-Dah   Band  frontman  Neil  Innes  earned  the  right  to  his  own  series  through  his  collaboration  with  the  Pythons  on  the  last  Cleese-less  series  and  the  success  of  Rutland  Weekend  Television  which  he  co-created  with  Eric  Idle. In  1979  he  was  invited  to  make  what  were  effectively  new  pop  videos , not  only  for  his   recent  album  of  the  same  name  but  also  for  previous  songs   from  his  conspicuously  unsuccessful  solo  career. There  were  also  spoken  interludes  either  from  Neil's  star  guests  or  the  man  himself.

The  resulting  show  was  surreal,  unsurprisingly  Python-esque  and  cerebral  with  many  references  to  high  art. There  was  never  much  danger  it  would  cross  over  from  BBC2  and  it's  difficult  to  imagine  it  getting  the  green  light  today. Eighteen  episodes  were  filmed  and  broadcast  over  three  seasons  between  1979  and  1981  with  a  number  of  recompiled  repeats  shown  up  to  1984.

I  tuned  in  for  an  episode  in  the  second  season  , probably  for  special  guest  Rowan  Atkinson although  his  silly  monologue  about  organs  is  far  from  his  greatest  moment. There  was   a ghost  story,  told  from  the  boat  in  Speedwell  Cavern,  and  Neil's  stab  at  punk  pastiche, "Paranoia ",  which  withers  and  dies  next  to  NTNOCN's  Gob  On  You  .

But  there  was  also  "Kenny  and  Liza "  one  of  Neil's  Beatles  pastiches  which  sounds  like  he's continuing  the  story  of   She's  Leaving  Home.  The  song  has  an  earworm  chorus  which  I  can still  hum  thirty-six  years  later. Neil  didn't  appear  in  the  accompanying  film, it  just  followed the  two  young  proletarian  lovers  as  they  stopped  at  Knutsford  Services  , had  a  brew , looked at  their  reflections  in  the  spoons  and  played  a  very  primitive  arcade  game,  interspersed  with footage  of  night  time  traffic. It  was  deeply  affecting  and  every  time  I've  stopped  at  motorway services  during  the  night  I've  been  reminded  of  it.

The  other  number  I  recall , for  different  reasons , was  "Feel  No  Shame"  from  the  penultimate  episode  in  1981. Neil  wrote  the  song  for  Oxfam  back  in  1973  which  accounts  for  its  Mott  The  Hoople  glam  sound. The  film  started  with  Neil  in  monk's  robes  playing  his  guitar  on  a  rocky  beach. We  then  see  a  nun  walking  along  the  edge  of  the  sea  but  she  ignores  him  and  returns, not  to  a  convent, but  a  shabby  bedsit  on  the  seafront. There  she  strips  down  to  her  underwear  and  underneath  the  wrappings  she's  smoking  hot ! She  then  puts  on  jeans, a  baggy  jumper  and  Afghan  coat  and  joins  a  Women's  Lib  march. It's  still  one  of  the  sexiest  sequences  I've  seen  on  TV, whatever  point  Neil  was  trying  to  make  about  double  standards. I  don't  know  who  the  girl  was ; she  might  not  even  have  been  credited  but  she's  certainly  lodged  in  the  memory.

Apart  from  a  Rutles  reunion  in  1996, Neil  hasn't  had  such  a  high  profile  since  but  he's  kept  busy, working  in  childrens  television, involved  in  many  ex-Python  projects  and  increasingly  appearing  in  music  documentaries  as  a  sixties  survivor  who's  still  got  his  head  together.

445 Playhouse : Crest of a Wave

First  viewed  :  20  June  1980

This  is  another  near-forgotten  little  playlet  I  watched  with  my  Gran  on  a  Friday  night. It  was actually  a  repeat,  having  first  been  shown  in  1978  under  the  Premiere  banner  ( for  the director ;  writer  Douglas  Livingstone  already  had  a  long  string  of  credits  in  a  40  year  career as  a  screenwriter ) .

It  starred  Denholm  Elliott  as  Jim  a  middle  aged  man  who , accompanied  by  his  wife , drops in   on  an  old  friend  Nifty  ( Ian  Hendry )  who  was  in  the  Scouts  with  him. Jim  is  gregarious and  rather  full  of  himself  , Nifty  rather  tongue-tied  and  awkward . Jim  wastes  no  time  in dredging  up   embarrassing  memories  for  Nifty  and  flashbacks  reveal  young  Jim  as  something of  a   self-aggrandising  bully  who  takes  advantage  of   Nifty's  mildness  and  lack  of imagination. Once  that's  over  though  Jim, recently  made  redundant,  wonders  if   Nifty  can  find him   a  job. After  he's  gone,  Nifty's  wife  asks  if  he's  really  going  to  help  Jim  . Nifty,  now completely  secure  and  unruffled  by  Jim's  desperate  attempt  to  restore  the  old  pecking  order , nonchalantly  says  yeah  he  can  probably  find  something. Water  off  a  duck's  back.

Needless  to  say  Denholm  Elliott  was  excellent.