395 Shelley

First  viewed  : Uncertain

This  is  another  one  that  I  only  occasionally  dipped  into  with  little idea  of  when  that  was.

It  seems  strange  that,  so  soon  after  the  disaster  that  was  Chalk  and  Cheese ,  ITV  would launch  another  sitcom  with  a  similar  premise. Shelley  ( Hywel  Bennett  with  the  character's surname  perhaps  a  jokey  reference  to  his  appearance  in  the  Percy  films )  is  a  layabout   who can't  find  a  use  for  his  geography  PhD  and  so  sits  around  taking  apart  his  friends'  lifestyles with  his  sarcastic  wit  and  remedying  the  world's  problems  from  his  armchair.

In  reality  of  course,  such  a  person  would  have  no  friends  at  all  and  be  a  shabby  figure  in the  corner  of  a  library  somewhere  but  scriptwriter  Peter  Tilbury  and  his  successors  kept  it  going  for  five  years  until  1984   then,  after  a  sabbatical,  for  another  four  years  up  to  1992.  

394 Sapphire and Steel

First  viewed : Summer  1979

I'm  not  going  to  linger  long  on  this  one  because  I  only  dipped  into  it  and  decided  it  wasn't my  bag. Besides  which,  there  are  plenty  of  sci-fi  fansites  or  blogs  where  you  can  find  a detailed  analysis  of  the  series. In  ITV's  ceaseless  attempts  to  produce   a  sci-fi   series   to  rival  Dr  Who  ,  they  came  up  with  Sapphire  and  Steel . Sapphire   ( Joanna  Lumley )  and  Steel  ( David  McCallum )  were  extraterrestrial  troubleshooters  like  the  good  Doctor  except  in  this , time , specifically  the  past ,  was  a  hostile  force  looking  to  impede  human  progress  and  an  accumulation  of  old  objects  could  trigger a  catastrophe.

Both  stars  were  big  names  and  the  series  was  heavily  promoted. Unfortunately , it  seemed  like  once  the  two  stars  and  the  geeks  who  came  up  with  the  Ice  Age  computer  graphics  had  been  paid , the  budget  was  exhausted  for  the  episodes  were  very  set-bound, dingily lit  and  clogged  up  with   lengthy  expository  dialogue . A  lot  of  people  did  buy  into  it  for  the  ratings  were  very  high  but  it  wasn't  for  me. Perhaps  you  had  to  be  in  from  the start.

The  original  season  was  interrupted  by  the  ITV  technicians'  strike  of  1979  but  it  survived  until  1982 when  neither  Lumley  nor McCallum  wanted  to  continue. It's  yet  to  be  rebooted  on  TV  but  there  were  some  audio-plays  produced  in  2004  with  both  parts  recast.
    

393 B. J. and the Bear

First  viewed : Uncertain

I  never  watched  this  one  very  regularly. It  was  a  light  comedy / adventure  series  about  an unencumbered  trucker  roaming  the  highways  in  his  massive  vehicle   in  the  company  of  a chimp  called  Bear  who  didn't  talk  but  knew  how  to  make  himself  scarce  when  B  J  wanted to  unload  his  rig  with  a  procession  of  nubile  young  co-stars. The  series  unashamedly  rode  on the  coat-tails  of  the   big  trucking  pictures , most  obviously  Every  Which  Way  But  Loose, but otherwise  it  followed  the  usual  pattern  of  a lone  wolf  outsider  sorting  out  a  local  bad  guy. BJ's  most  regular  adversary  was  played  by  Murray  Hamilton  from   Jaws.

BJ  was  played  by  likable  Greg  Evigan . Many  of  the  female  characters  were  truckers  themselves  giving  the  series  some  thin  cover  from  the  accusations  of  rampant  sexism.

The  only  scene  I  really  remember  and  I  can't  pinpoint  the  episode  , is  a  bomb  scare  at  the  country  club  and  a  young  blonde  lady  in  a  dripping  bikini  running  round  telling  everyone  to  get  out. I  can't  think  why  that's  stayed  in  my  mind.

It  lasted  for  three  series.

392 Juke Box Jury

First  viewed : 16  June  1979

This  show  has  had  three  separate  iterations. For  most  of  the  sixties  it  was  a  Saturday  night  staple  with  a  panel  of  four,  mainly  drawn  from  the  music  business,  giving  their  views  of  whether  a  record  would  be  a  hit  or  miss  after  hearing  a  brief  snatch  of  it. To  add  spice,  the  artists  behind  one  of  the  records  would  be  in  the  studio  and  would  come  on  after  the  panel  had  given  its  verdict.  This  simple  formula  remained  for  all  three  versions.

The  original  series, hosted  by  David  Jacobs  ran  from  1959  to  1967  when  the  musical  shift   towards  albums  and  problems  caused  by  discussing  records  with  blatant  drug  references  led  to  its  cancellation.

When  punk  revitalised  the  7  inch  single , a  revival  of  the  show  followed  in  1979  with  the  ubiquitous  Noel  Edmunds  replacing  Jacobs  in  the  chair.  Pete  Murray  who  was  on  the  very  first  panel  and  had  occasionally  stood  in  for  Jacobs  appeared  on  the  panel  in  the  first  episode.  Some  of  the  panellists  were  strange  choices  like  Joan  Collins  and  swimmer  David  Wilkie . I  watched  it   religiously   apart  from  a  couple  of  weeks  when  I  was  on  holiday. Unfortunately  that  included  the  most  infamous  episode  where  a  certain  Mr  Lydon  appeared  and  drew  a  predictable  number  of  complaints. He  didn't  actually  swear  but  was  his  usual  rude  , acerbic  self   tersely  dismissing  records  with  comments  like  "rubbish"  and  "that's  awful"  to  the  delight  of  the  studio  audience. Edmunds  chastised  him  for  not  offering  much  "well-balanced  criticism "  ,  Alan  Freeman  told  him  to  "Shut up "  which  was  odd  considering  he  hadn't  said  very  much   and  Elaine  Paige  sitting  next  to  him  looked  scared  to  death. The  moment  I  recall  best  from  the  episodes  I  did  catch  was  Jonathan  King  in  that  ridiculous  wig  hiding  behind  the  desk  when  Black  Lace  came  on  after  royally  rubbishing  them.

I don't  think  the  programme  had  much  impact  on  the  actual  chart. I  remember  Dollar's  Love's  Got  A  Hold  On  Me    getting  a  real  mauling  and  then  it  making  the  Top  5.

The  Edmunds  version  didn't  return  for  a  second  season   and  the  series  remained  dormant  until  April  1989  when  Arena  ran  a  special  one-off  edition  with  Jacobs  in  the  chair  ( and  Murray  again  on  the  panel ).  It  was  notable  for  Roland  Gift  surprising  Dusty  Springfield  as  the  mystery  guest  after  she'd  said  she  had  a  crush  on  him.

Reaction  to  the  programme  proved  so  positive  that  the  BBC  commissioned  a  series  though  it  was  Jools  Holland  that  got  the  presenting  job. Housed  on  a  weird  set  that  looked  like  the  "Aladdin's  Cave"  room  on  Crimewatch,  the  series  was  now   more  of  a  roughly  edited  light  entertainment  programme  than  a  musical  discussion  show  with  the  panel  usually  featuring  at  least  one  comedian. In  any  case,  the  nature  of  the  music  business  had  changed  so  much  by  that  time  that  a  high  placing  in  the  singles  chart  signified  little  more  than  effective  marketing   and  the  views  of  a  celebrity  panel  on  whether  or  not  it  would  be  achieved  were  more  irrelevant  than  ever .

Nonetheless  it  was  quite  entertaining  and  there  were  plenty  of  moments  to  savour  :  Black  Francis's  horror  at  the  dance  re-mix  of  The  Cure's   Close  To  Me   - "it's  the  wrong  drumbeat  !",  Adrian  Edmondson  with  a  rubbishing  of  rap  music  that  would  see  him  run  out  of  town  if  he  said  it  today,  Bros  appearing  with  their  manager  to  keep  an  eye  on  them  and  Maria  McKee  frantically  fanning  herself  after  some  form  of  substance  abuse.

This  time  round  I  did  see  the  most  notorious  episode  where  Glenn  Medeiros  appeared  after the  panel  ( again  including  Alan  Freeman )  had   unanimously  demolished  his  latest  effort. I don't  suppose  the  Hawaiian  was  familiar  with  the  phrase " a  right  load  of  old  cobblers"  ( Vic  Reeves )  but  I  think  he  got  the  gist. Holland's  trepidation  at  introducing  him  was  palpable. Neneh  Cherry  , who'd  been  particularly  scathing  about  his  attempt  to  appear  more  "street" hid  her  face  in  her  hands  while  John  Fashanu  didn't  know  where  to look. Medeiros  managed  a  forced  grin  when  Holland  tried  to  defuse  the  tension  by  offering  him  a  fake  painting  but  couldn't  summon one  for  the  panel  and  after  giving  Bob  Mortimer  a  death  ray  glare  flounced  off  the  set. I  never  tire  of  watching  it.

The  programme  ran  to  a  second  series  in  1990  but  hasn't  been  seen  since.              

391 The Mallens

First  viewed  : 10 June  1979


This  Sunday  night  adaptation  of   a   series  of   Catherine  Cookson  potboiler  novels  about  a  lusty  squire  whose  sexual  exploits  cause  mayhem  in  nineteenth  century  Northumberland  certainly  provided  some  talking  points. I  vividly  recall  a  school  mate  describing   a  scene  in  History  - "he  was  on  top  of  her, mauling  her !"  My  Gran  knew  the  books  and  was  a  Cookson  fan  ; my  mum  preferred  the  more  escapist  fantasies  of  the  ludicrous  Barbara  Cartland.

The  central  figure  in  the  first  series  is  lupine  serial  rapist  Thomas  Mallen  ( John  Hallam ) a  country  squire  whose  attempts  to  stave  off  bankruptcy  by  marrying  his  legitimate  son  Richard  ( David  Rintoul )  to  a  coal  heiress  are  thwarted  by  the  careless  talk  of  a  servant  , compounded  by  Richard  accidentally  shooting  a  bailiff. He  is  forced  to  live  in  straitened  circumstances   with  his  nieces,  Barbara  ( Pippa  Guard )  and  Constance ( Julia  Chambers )   and  their  resourceful  governess  Miss  Brigmore ( Caroline  Blakiston )  who  becomes  his  lover. The  two  girls  are  courted  by  a  pair  of  brothers  the  Radlets  from  a  nearby  farm . Donald  ( John  Duttine )  is  actually  Thomas's  son  , the  product  of  a  casual  rape  in  the  opening  scene, and  has  the  tell  tale  Dickie  Davies  white  streak  in  his  hair. His  mother  Jane  ( Gillian  Lewis ) then  married  and  had  a  legitimate  son ,   the  consumptive  Matthew  ( Ian  Saynor ). This  only  leads  to  more  tragedy  and  the  cast  was  severely  depleted  by  the  end  of  the  first  series, Thomas  offing  himself  after  not  recognising   in  the  dark  that  his  last  victim  was  Barbara.

The  Mallens  was  another  step  in  my  sex  education  with  my  Mum  having  to  explain  exactly  how  Donald  Radlet  knew  on  his  wedding  night  that   Constance  had  already  been  with  someone  else; the  word  "hymen"  now  entered  into  my  vocabulary.  Despite  the  fact  that  sex  drives  the  plot,  there  was  virtually  no  nudity  at  all  in  the  series ;  a  quick  glimpse  of  John  Duttine's  bum  in  the  dark  and  Caroline  Blakiston's  bare  back  were  all  you  got.

Another  reason  The  Mallens  was   popular  was  the  high  production  values  , worthy  of   something  a  little  more  high  brow. The  Northumbrian  scenery  is  jaw-dropping  although  the  Mallens'  mansion  was   actually  Illam  Hall  Youth  Hostel  in  the  Peak  District. In  addition  to  that  the  cast  was  selected  with  unusual  care; all  the  people  who  were  supposed  to  be  related  did  actually  look  similar , particularly  Matthew  , his  son  and  his  father.

Sadly,  the  second  series  in  1980  was  a  bit  of  a  let  down. Set  20  years  later it  concentrated  a  la  Wuthering  Heights  on  the  next  generation  represented  by  Michael  Radlet  ( Gerry  Sundqvist )  , the  son  of  Constance  and  Matthew  though  brought  up  as  Donald's  ( the  brothers  were  both  killed  in  a  skirmish  at  the  end  of  the  first  series )  and  Barbara  ( Juliet  Stevenson  in  her  first  screen  role  )  the  offspring  of  Thomas's  final  rape  ( the  elder  Barbara  died  giving  birth  to  her ) who  is  deaf  ( despite  Thomas  and  his  niece  not  being  blood  relatives ). They  find  each  other  despite  the  best  efforts  of   the  survivors,  Miss  Brigmore  and  Constance  ( now  played  by  June  Ritchie  , another  good  match )  to  keep  them  apart  and  the  cycle  begins  again.

It  just  didn't  grip  in  the  same  way  and  seemed  slow, with  the  producers  going  over  the  top  on  the  setting  to  compensate.  At  one  point   there's  a  country  fete  and  the  camera  abandons  the  characters  and  goes  wandering  around  the  set  for  a  good  five  minutes  just  to  use  up  the  time. By  contrast  the  ending  where  Barbara  and  Michael  end  up  drowning  each  other  seemed  rushed  and  unsatisfactory  ( and, as  my  Gran  protested  , seriously  at  variance  with  the  books ).

390 Sword of Justice

First  viewed  : 2  June  1979

Another  long-forgotten  series, this  was  like  an  American  version  of  The  Saint  which  went  into  the  pre-Match  of  the  Day  slot  on  Saturday  evenings.  It  starred  future  Dallas  man  Dack  Rambo  as  Jack  Cole  a  rich  play  boy  who , in  the  series  pilot, gets  three  years  in  prison  for  a  fraud  actually  committed  by  a  business  associate  ironically  played   by  Larry  Hagman.  After  a  thorough  grounding  in  criminal  techniques  inside,   Jack  comes  out  with  a  mission  to  take  down  white  collar  criminals  by  beating  them  at  their  own  game  then  leaving  a    number  3  playing  card  with  a  cryptic  message , usually  lost  on  its  recipient.

The  series  was  not  a  great  success. Despite  having   a  comic  sidekick  Hector  ( Bert  Rosario )  , the  revenge  aspect  made   Jack   a  brooding , humourless  hero  and  the  fact  that  much  of  the  action  took  place  at  nighttime  gave  it  an  overwhelmingly  dark  feel  that  audiences  found  hard  to  take. Only  nine  episodes  were  made.

The  producer  Glen  A  Larson  later  recycled  some  of  the  elements  for  the  much  more  successful  Knight  Rider.  As  noted  above  Rambo  re-surfaced  in  Dallas   for  a  couple  of  years  until  the  return  of  Patrick  Duffy  made  his  character  redundant. He  popped  up  again  in  long -running  US  soap  Another  World   in  1991  until  an  HIV  positive  diagnosis  prompted  an  abrupt retirement  from  acting. He  died  of  AIDS  three  years  later.        

389 Rhoda

First  viewed : Uncertain

I  have  little  idea  when  I  first  saw  this. I  recall  that  my  Mum  had  been  watching  it  for  a  while  without  me  and  my  sister  and  that  by  the  time  we  caught  up, her  favourite  character  Ida  wasn't  in  it.  That  would  make  it  the  third  US  season  which  was  broadcast  here  in  1978  and 1979.

Rhoda  was  a  spin-off  from  The  Mary  Tyler  Moore  Show  where  the  character  of  Rhoda  Morgenstern  (  Valerie  Harper  )  appeared  as  Mary's  Jewish  best  friend. She  was  given  her  own  show  in  1974  along  with  her  frumpy  sister  Brenda  ( Julie  Kavner ) and  overbearing  mama  Ida  ( Nancy  Walker ).   Despite  Ida's  stereotypical  behaviour,   Rhoda's  Jewishness  was  actually  downplayed  compared  to    TMTMS    and  in  fact  neither  Harper  nor  Walker  were  genuinely  Jewish.  The  show  took  off  like  a  bomb  and  the  hour  long  episode  where  Rhoda  got  married  to  a  guy  named  Joe  drew  a  phenomenal  audience.

There  was  a  price  to  be  paid  for  that  though. When  the  writers  felt  Rhoda's  marriage  had  run  its  course  and  decided  on  a  divorce  in  the  third  season   much  of   the  show's  audience    turned  off  ( Walker's  absence  from  this  season  probably  also  contributed  to  the  desertion ).  In  the   subsequent  seasons ,  the  focus  switched  more  to  Brenda's  love  life  and  there  was  some  recovery  in  the  ratings  but  it  never  regained  its  former  popularity.  It  was  cancelled  in  1978  after  five  seasons.

I  never  liked  it. I  hated  the  laughter  track  with  its  wild  whoops   at  not  particularly  funny  moments  and  simply  couldn't  believe  that  any  guy  would  be  interested  in  Brenda,  with  her  big  nose  and  that  grating  squawk  of  a  voice , if   Rhoda  was on  hand.  Even  more  irritating  though  was  Carlton, the  unseen  doorman  whose  whiny  camp  monotone  was  surely  the  inspiration  for  the  voice  of   Marvin  in  The  Hitchhiker's  Guide  To  The  Galaxy.

Harper  eventually  found  another  successful   comedy  vehicle  in  Valerie  in  the  mid-eighties  though  it  ended  sourly  for  her  and  she  later  to  Broadway. In  recent  years  she  has  been  struggling  with  cancer.   Walker  fancied  moving  behind  the  camera  but  her  directorial  career  was  stillborn  after  the  notorious  failure  of  the  Village  People  film   Can't  Stop  The  Music. She  continued  to  find  work  in  TV comedy  and  won  an  Emmy  for  her  work  in  The  Golden  Girls  . She  died  in  1992.  Kavner  had  a  few  lean  years  before  being  rescued  by  Woody  Allen  with  a  good  role  in  Hannah  and  Her  Sisters  .  That  was  followed  by  The  Tracey  Ullman  Show   which   led   directly  to  the  part  which  has  been  her  bread  and  butter  for  the  past  three  decades  - the  voice  of  Marge  in  The  Simpsons - though  she  has  taken  film  roles. mainly  for  Allen.